My old bike

As my diet progresses marvellously (I have managed to put on one kilo in weight since starting, although I am not adding that to my FitDay diary 'cos it might just be a result of my metabolism kick-starting and - hey - who says it's not muscle in any case?), I have managed to damage the saddle of my bike. This isn't too much of a problem as it is the one that came with the kit when it was delivered and I've never found it that comfortable. However, that means I need to do one more uncomfortable ride to the nearest bike shop and buy a new one. Which itself isn't bad, 'cos it means I'll end up doing nearly double my self-imposed requirement of cycling and my bum might feel better as a result.

I've managed to lose the photo I was going to use on the inside cover of the book. I've got this digital version but not the original, which is a shame as the clothes look hilarious (ahhh, do you remember the '70s?). I have a similar one of me banging a drum at an even earlier age which may have to do instead.

Finally, a question. As I won't be going to many fast food places over the next four months (at least, not until I get really drunk and blow the diet on a five-hot-wing blowout at Chicken Cottage in Seven Sisters), I'm wondering about a certain rule of etiquette re; the queueing there. I used to spend a lot of time waiting in KFC or Burger King, behind a line of people (usually there is a single line, even if there are two or more counter staff serving). There is an unwritten rule, as I understand it, that if there are people waiting in front of you, you do not duck sideways and go ahead of them just because another till is open. What you do is you politely alert the person in front that there is another server waiting to take their order, so they can go ahead. Don't you?

Apparently not. Twice in the last month whilst I have been patiently waiting for my Mini Fillets or Whopper Meal (honestly, how did I put on so much weight?), someone has entered the premises, ignored the waiting line and gone straight to the first empty till they saw. British reticence (and reluctance to get beaten up) usually means that no one says anything but grumbles quietly to themselves. However, both times I have said - as pointedly as possible - "Excuse me, there is a queue here. You need to wait in line." Both times, the person who has sneaked in front (and that is what they are, dirty, filthy sneaks) has confronted me and argued back, usually with something along the lines of "There's another queue here" (this, despite the fact that they are clearly the only people in that queue, have formed the queue unilaterally and have no one in front or behind them so the queue is only a queue in name alone). Both times I have said "No there isn't, mate, get to the back of the line", indicating with my thumb.

The result of this has usually been torrents of abuse from the party concerned and his/her friends (these queue-jumpers are clever and position themselves in as many queues as possible in order that whoever gets to the front of the line first can call over his or her other filthy, dirty sneak cheat friends and place an enormous order of burgers, fried chicken and diet drinks - indeed they often wait until there's a good four or five of them at the front before deciding even what they want to order, which always entertains the rest of the increasingly hungry and thus far patient punters). I have been called "wanker", "arsehole" and best of all "fat bastard" (hey, it's you who can't wait to get to the front and stuff your face with burgers, you drunken, pasty-faced fool), and accused by one extremely mardy North London trollop of "giving attitude".

Had it just happened the once, I might feel - quite smugly and self-righteously - that I was definitely not in the wrong and I am just unlucky enough to share queues (quite liberally) with drunken, impolite people. But 'cos it's happened twice, I need to know - am I imagining the unwritten rule of queueing conduct at fast food establishments? I appreciate it's often hard to tell what is a queue and what isn't in such places but surely asking people politely to join the queue shouldn't result in such violent reactions?

Or, is it as I suspect (given my reduced calorie intake of the past week) that hunger makes people more angry? It certainly seems to be unsettling my heavyweight championship opponent, Richard Herring. I note that he has been eating a lot of berries in his diet. I am wondering whether or not to consume some herring - perhaps this will reverse the obvious voodoo-spell he has cast on me which has caused him to shed two kilos and me to gain an additional one? I shall write some rules of engagement tomorrow and use of such black magic (the tricks, not the chocolate) will be forbidden.